Tux Love : Propeller Head Dept.

Call me a propeller head, but I recently found myself chuckling at a collection of Linux compile and configuration messages on a German site. How about this from a Gimp ./configure;

[...]
checking for perl... /usr/bin/perl
checking for perl version >= 5.004_04... yes
checking for vsnprintf... yes
checking for intelligent life... not found  
checking for _exit... yes
configure: creating ./config.status
config.status: creating gimp-1.2.1
config.status: creating gimprc
config.status: creating gimprc_user
config.status: creating gimprc-1.2.5
[...]

Or this from the Enlightenment window manager;

checking for mass_quantities_of_bass_ale in -lFridge... no
Warning: No ales were found in your refrigerator. We 
 suggest that you rectify this situation immediately.
checking for life_signs in -lKenny... no
Oh my god, they killed Kenny! You bastards!

While kvirc got scientific;

############################################
### Working out the final configuration ###
############################################
checking whether to enable support for font anti-aliasing... 
 yes
checking whether to use new pics... yes
checking for the validity of Maxwell's laws on this machine...
 ok
checking if e=mc²... yes, enabling quantum mechanics
checking if this machine passes the Turing Test...
 no, building without AI :-(
checking if we can safely swap on /dev/fd0... yes
checking if we can blame it on Njård... yes
checking if we finally can compile the plugins... yes
checking if we finally have to compile the KDE support... yes

Hermes came over philosophical;

If two people are in a room ...

checking for long... yes
checking size of long... 4
checking for int... yes
checking size of int... 4
checking for char... yes
checking size of char... 1
checking for short... yes
checking size of short... 2

... and five walk out ...

checking whether byte ordering is bigendian... no
checking for money... none left :(
checking for assembler support... Linux i686, assembler
 routines enabled!
configure: creating ./config.status
config.status: creating Makefile
config.status: creating src/Makefile
config.status: creating src/hrconfig.h
config.status: executing depfiles commands

... how many have to walk in for the room to be empty ?

Turn on your -O6 now!
Welcome to Hermes 1.3.2!

gstreamer 0.8.1 takes a dig at other operating systems' restrictive End User License Agreements;

configure: WARNING: Sissy ! By asking to not build the tests
 known to fail, you hereby waive your right to customer support.
 If you do not agree with this EULA, please press Ctrl-C before
 the next line is printed. By allowing the next line to be printed,
 you expressly acknowledge your acceptance of this EULA.

A user tampering with a boot disk was told;

you do not exist - go away please

While a would-be Debian kernel hacker discovered;

I have no root and I want to scream

Or how about this after a crashed process;

*** ECORE ERROR: Ecore Magic Check Failed!!!
*** IN FUNCTION: ecore_timer_del()
  Input handle is wrong type
    Expected: f7d713f4 - Ecore_Timer (Timer)
    Supplied: 00000000 - <UNKNOWN>
*** NAUGHTY PROGRAMMER!!!
*** SPANK SPANK SPANK!!!
*** Now go fix your code. Tut tut tut!

Some source code covers every possibility (this from drivers/usb/printer.c);

static char *usblp_messages[] = { "ok", "out of paper",
 "off-line", "on fire" };

While you probably never want to see this kernel message (in arch/i386/kernel/cpu/mcheck/p5.c);

printk(KERN_EMERG "CPU#%d: Possible thermal failure (CPU
 on fire ?).\n", smp_processor_id());

A Gentoo user doing an emerge of America's Army was advised;

>>> Install americas-army-210 into
 /var/tmp/portage/americas-army-210/image/
 category games-fps
 * This will take a while ... go get a pizza or something

(The build only took 10 minutes, which led to speculation about the speed of the programmer's pizza delivery service.)

Nmap is an extremely powerful network security and exploration tool. You can't say you weren't warned after this concluding message in the nmap build;

checking if struct ip has ip_sum member... yes
configure: creating ./config.status
config.status: creating Makefile
config.status: creating nsock_config.h

  (  )   /\   _                 (     
    \ |  (  \ ( \.(               )                      _____
  \  \ \  `  `   ) \             (  ___                 / _   \
 (_`    \+   . x  ( .\            \/   \____-----------/ (o)   \_
- .-               \+  ;          (  O                           \____
                          )        \_____________  `              \  /
(__                +- .( -'.- <. - _  VVVVVVV VV V\                 \/
(_____            ._._: <_ - <- _  (--  _AAAAAAA__A_/                |
  .    /./.+-  . .- /  +--  - .     \______________//_              \_______
  (__ ' /x  / x _/ (                                  \___'          \     /
 , x / ( '  . / .  /                                      |           \   /
    /  /  _/ /    +                                      /              \/
   '  (__/                                             /                  \
             NMAP IS A POWERFUL TOOL -- USE CAREFULLY AND REPONSIBLY
Configuration complete.  Type make to compile.

But the last word goes to the CD ripper/player Grip. In it's FAQ you'll find;

Q: I was listening to a CD in Grip and it sounded horrible!
   What's up?
A: Perhaps you are listening to country music...

Posted by Geoff Palmer on May 20, 2006 10:58 AM | Permalink

Comments

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"I have no root and I want to scream"

This should have been "I have no root and I must scream" ;-)

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Posted by: jonny rocket | February 18, 2009 7:59 PM

Compilation of ClanLib complete.
To install it, type 'make install'.
To build the documentation, type 'make docs'.

..and to destroy the earth, type 'make destroy_earth'

Posted by: tloudev | January 29, 2009 2:15 AM

The winner for me is definitely perl's Configure..

Checking compatibility between /bin/echo and builtin echo (if any)...
They are compatible. In fact, they may be identical.
The following message is sponsored by

Dresden.pm<--The stars should be here.

Dear Perl user, system administrator or package
maintainer, the Perl community sends greetings to
you. Do you (emblematical) greet back [Y/n]? n

---

Hmm... Looks kind of like a Version 7 system, but we'll see...

Congratulations. You aren't running Eunice.

It's not Xenix...

Nor is it Venix...

---
(You do not have fully-qualified names in the hosts database)
(Attempting domain name extraction from /etc/resolv.conf)
(No help from resolv.conf either -- attempting clever guess)
(Lost all hope -- silly guess then)

---
etc

Posted by: him | January 28, 2009 2:19 PM

You forgot the sudo insults you can enable. Sudo will start telling jokes, usually at the users' expense, when authentication with sudo fails.

Posted by: Yaro | July 31, 2008 7:23 AM

I once ordered, received (by delivery), and ate a pizza in a span of 17 minutes. So, it's possible.

Posted by: sloppyc | June 19, 2008 7:15 AM

checking for beer in -fridge... no
Warning: No beer found in fridge!
We highly suggest that you rectify this situation immediately.
;)

Posted by: m | June 17, 2008 7:17 AM

The warning in gentoo relates to the download time (the game has about 2GB), not the installation time itself.

Posted by: kata | June 17, 2008 5:21 AM

See the wikipedia entry for the history of printer on fire:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lp0_on_fire

Posted by: hildaur | May 18, 2008 3:57 PM

$ apt-get moo
(__)
(oo)
/------\/
/ | ||
* /\---/\
~~ ~~
...."Have you mooed today?"...

Posted by: Anonymous | May 16, 2008 9:24 AM

Thanks for these! They are hilarious. I don't know how well-known this one is, but Pidgin prints "Checking for pot 'o' gold... no".

Posted by: Chris Lees | February 14, 2008 9:37 PM

The "Printer on fire" message has been part of Unix from very early days.

It probably really happened once.

Posted by: Graham Lees | May 25, 2006 4:28 PM

And to add further support that Linux geeks really need to get out more ... the kernel source code is full of rather *interesting* comments:
http://kerneltrap.org/node/542

A good one from drivers/net/sunhme.c:

static void happy_meal_tcvr_write(struct happy_meal *hp,
unsigned long tregs, int reg,
unsigned short value)
{
int tries = TCVR_WRITE_TRIES;

ASD(("happy_meal_tcvr_write: reg=0x%02x value=%04xn", reg,
value));

/* Welcome to Sun Microsystems, can I take your order please? */
if (!hp->happy_flags & HFLAG_FENABLE)
return happy_meal_bb_write(hp, tregs, reg, value);

/* Would you like fries with that? */
hme_write32(hp, tregs + TCVR_FRAME,
(FRAME_WRITE | (hp->paddr

Posted by: Jen | May 23, 2006 7:26 PM