Dick Smith Electronics have developed a deadly piece of retail weaponry; sentient cash registers. Or at least that's the conclusion I'm forced to draw after an unsatisfactory weekend experience.

It started with an impulse buy on Friday. Due to some machine movements around the house I now have an occasionally-used PC that's networkless. Rather than hassle with running more cable I resolved to add it to the wireless portion of my home network and bought a DSE 802.11g card for that purpose.

It didn't work so the card went back on Saturday. There's a digital clock on the wall behind the service desk in their Vivian Street store so you can watch you life tick away while you're waiting. After a couple of minutes I was served and given a replacement

Number two didn't work either so it it went back on Sunday. This time I had a seven minute wait while a couple of staff engaged in phone banter and another two struggled with the growing crowd.

I opted for a refund and there was no quibble about that – at least until the sentient cash register kicked in.

Friday's purchase was by credit card. Saturday's replacement involved returning the old receipt and being issued a new one. Sunday's refund hinged on a single question: "How did you originally pay for that? Cash, EFT-POS or credit card?"

If you're ever asked this question in a Dick Smith store you may want to phone a friend or ask the audience for help because – be warned – the cash register is listening.

When I naively told the truth, I was asked for the credit card I'd used, but I didn't have it on me.

"Sorry, no credit card, no refund," I was told.

Pardon?

"The till won't let us."

Eh?

"There's absolutely no way the cash register's programme will allow us to do a refund without the original credit card."

I should stress that at this point there'd been no physical interaction with said register. There was nothing on the receipt to indicate my method of payment and if I'd said "Cash" I'd have left with some. Instead, I was dismissed with the faulty goods and instructions to return with the proper credit card at my own inconvenience. Conclusion: DSE are using sentient cash registers.

Footnote #1:

After the long wait, the hot day and surly arrogance of the senior staff I decided not to return to Dick Smith Electronics. Having been refused a refund I shall, instead, contest the charge against my credit card when the next bill comes in. This will have two consequences; DSE will have to arrange collection of their faulty goods at my convenience and, more importantly, they'll be hit with what the credit card companies call a chargeback fee for the reversal. Some chargeback fees run as high as $35. On a $54 network card.

Footnote #2:

Even if the card had worked perfectly it would have been returned. The external packaging indicates it's suitable for Windows Me, 2000, 98 SE and XP and twice mentions it supports 64/128 bit WEP and WPA Encryption. Not true; it doesn't. Puzzled by only being given the vastly inferior WEP encryption option, I examined the Installation and User Guide packed away inside the box and discovered that it really only supports WPA when using Windows XP. If you bought one of these cards expecting WPA encryption on a non-XP machine you've been misled and are covered by the Consumer Guarantees Act. I suggest you ask for a refund.