Return to Propeller Head Dept.
It's been a while, but here's a fresh collection of Linux, computer and programming wit and wisdom. Who says geeks don't have a sense of humour?
General
| The Internet? Is that thing
still around? - Homer Simpson |
| If the automobile had followed
the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today
cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a
year, killing everyone inside. - Robert X. Cringely |
| Never trust a computer you
can’t throw out a window. - Steve Wozniak |
| A computer lets you make more
mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the
possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Radcliffe |
| Fix a computer for a friend or
family member, and you’ll be tech support for life. - Danny Allen |
| Any significant boost in
technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo. |
| Most computer problems occur
between the keyboard and the chair. |
For Linux Fans
| Q: What's the difference
between a Windows PC and a Trampoline ? A: You take your boots OFF to jump on a trampoline. |
| Computers are like air
conditioners - they stop working properly if you open Windows. |
| The box said that I needed
Windows 7 or better ... so I installed Linux. |
| The only people who have
anything to fear from free software are those whose products are worth
even less. - David Emery |
| UNIX is basically a simple
operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the
simplicity. - Dennis Ritchie |
| Q: What's the difference between
Microsoft and 'Jurassic Park'? A: In one, a mad businessman makes a lot of money with prehistoric brutes that should be extinct. The other is a film. |
| Spotted on IRC: <timer> My penis has a Linux distribution on it. <defz> Minix? |
Programmers' Corner
| Endless Loop: n., see Loop,
Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. |
| Hacking is like sex. You get
in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can
be traced back to you. |
| Programmers are tools for
converting caffeine into code. |
| In Ruby, symbols are
represented with a prepended colon, eg.:flag. So some guy turned
up in a T-shirt that said ":sex" which everyone at Railscamp knew
meant "Sex symbol". He wore it until someone pointed out that to
non-Rubyists it said "Colon sex." |
| If Java had true garbage
collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution. - Robert Sewell |
| Saying that Java is nice
because it works on all OSes is like saying that anal sex is nice
because it works on all genders. - Alanna |
| The first 90% of the code
accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The
remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the
development time. - Tom Cargill |
| Always code as if the guy who
ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows
where you live. - Martin Golding |
| The three most dangerous things
in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type
with a program patch and a user with an idea. - Rick Cook |
| C makes it easy to shoot
yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it
blows away your whole leg. - Bjarne Stroustrup |
| BASIC programmers never die,
they just GOSUB and don't RETURN. |
| Real programmers are surprised
when the odometers in their cars don't turn from 99,999 to 99,99A. |
| Any sufficiently advanced bug is
indistinguishable from a feature. |
| Science is to computer science
as hydrodynamics is to plumbing. |
| If at first you don't succeed,
you must be a programmer. |
| Real programmers don't comment
their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand. |
| The 3 Biggest Software Lies: - The program's fully tested and bug-free. - We're working on the documentation. - Of course we can modify it! |
| The software isn't finished
until the last user's dead. |
Real geeks only
| There are 10 kinds of people
in the world ... those that can read binary and those that can't. |
| To err is human ... to really
foul up requires the root password. |
| A picture is worth 128K words. |
| The gates in my computer are
AND, OR and NOT; they are not Bill. |
| Q: What's tiny and yellow and
very, very, dangerous? A: A canary with the super-user password. |
| Q: What did Linux say to the
Windows partition? A: Go fsck yourself! |
| Be it ever so humble, there's no
place like ~ |
| Q: Why do programmers always
get Christmas and Halloween mixed up? A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31 |
This is wonderfully subtle. If you get it, you're definitely a geek!
| sudo chown -R us
./allyourbase |
And where would we be with XKCD?
Just how bad is Windows' latest
effort to capture the cellphone market? According to InfoWorld: 
What do you think when you see a 
PC World is New Zealand’s top selling computing and technology magazine.