Return to Propeller Head Dept.
It's been a while, but here's a fresh collection of Linux, computer and programming wit and wisdom. Who says geeks don't have a sense of humour?
|The Internet? Is that thing
- Homer Simpson
|If the automobile had followed
the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today
cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a
year, killing everyone inside.
- Robert X. Cringely
|Never trust a computer you
can’t throw out a window.
- Steve Wozniak
|A computer lets you make more
mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the
possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
- Mitch Radcliffe
|Fix a computer for a friend or
family member, and you’ll be tech support for life.
- Danny Allen
|Any significant boost in
technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
|Most computer problems occur
between the keyboard and the chair.
For Linux Fans
|Q: What's the difference
between a Windows PC and a Trampoline ?
A: You take your boots OFF to jump on a trampoline.
|Computers are like air
conditioners - they stop working properly if you open Windows.
|The box said that I needed
Windows 7 or better ... so I installed Linux.
|The only people who have
anything to fear from free software are those whose products are worth
- David Emery
|UNIX is basically a simple
operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the
- Dennis Ritchie
|Q: What's the difference between
Microsoft and 'Jurassic Park'?
A: In one, a mad businessman makes a lot of money with prehistoric brutes that should be extinct. The other is a film.
|Spotted on IRC:
<timer> My penis has a Linux distribution on it.
|Endless Loop: n., see Loop,
Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
|Hacking is like sex. You get
in, you get out, and hope that you didn't leave something that can
be traced back to you.
|Programmers are tools for
converting caffeine into code.
|In Ruby, symbols are
represented with a prepended colon, eg.:flag. So some guy turned
up in a T-shirt that said ":sex" which everyone at Railscamp knew
meant "Sex symbol". He wore it until someone pointed out that to
non-Rubyists it said "Colon sex."
|If Java had true garbage
collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution.
- Robert Sewell
|Saying that Java is nice
because it works on all OSes is like saying that anal sex is nice
because it works on all genders.
|The first 90% of the code
accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The
remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the
- Tom Cargill
|Always code as if the guy who
ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows
where you live.
- Martin Golding
|The three most dangerous things
in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type
with a program patch and a user with an idea.
- Rick Cook
|C makes it easy to shoot
yourself in the foot. C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it
blows away your whole leg.
- Bjarne Stroustrup
|BASIC programmers never die,
they just GOSUB and don't RETURN.
|Real programmers are surprised
when the odometers in their cars don't turn from 99,999 to 99,99A.
|Any sufficiently advanced bug is
indistinguishable from a feature.
|Science is to computer science
as hydrodynamics is to plumbing.
|If at first you don't succeed,
you must be a programmer.
|Real programmers don't comment
their code. It was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
|The 3 Biggest Software Lies:
- The program's fully tested and bug-free.
- We're working on the documentation.
- Of course we can modify it!
|The software isn't finished
until the last user's dead.
Real geeks only
|There are 10 kinds of people
in the world ... those that can read binary and those that can't.
|To err is human ... to really
foul up requires the root password.
|A picture is worth 128K words.
|The gates in my computer are
AND, OR and NOT; they are not Bill.
|Q: What's tiny and yellow and
very, very, dangerous?
A: A canary with the super-user password.
|Q: What did Linux say to the
A: Go fsck yourself!
|Be it ever so humble, there's no
place like ~
|Q: Why do programmers always
get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
A: Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
This is wonderfully subtle. If you get it, you're definitely a geek!
|sudo chown -R us
And where would we be with XKCD?